Wednesday, February 16, 2011

So this is me...

I love it when people think they have me all figured out....because I don't even have me all figured out, and I deal with me tons more than anyone else! ha

Someone I know used to always tell me that he knew what I was thinking or feeling better than I did. Stupid me believed him. Ah...we live and learn.

My random question for today was "Can you describe your life thus far in a six word sentence?"! haha I can't describe anything in six words or less! I figured that was impossible. I asked a friend - whose answer was awesome, so I was inspired to think about it a little more. This is what I came up with:

Beautifully complicated progressively evolving awakening experiences.
You see, I get frustrated when I get put in a box or when I get compared to someone else, or when one word or action leads someone to draw conclusions about me. I know that there are many things about me that make me similar to other people - but I fiercely want to be my own person - I fiercely want to be known as an individual.
So this is me....
...I have a huge heart
...I don't let many people know that
...I've been hurt so much deeper that I will ever tell anyone
...In the past three days I came closer than I ever will
...I'm afraid no one will love me because of the choices I have made in my past
...I feel like I love everyone more than they love me
...I feel like that is the way my life is supposed to be
...I don't like to talk about myself
...yet I want people to know about me
...I have an intense desire to 'know' about other people, yet don't want to be nosy
...I use the fact that I am an introvert by nature as a crutch sometimes
...I am 31 and am just now figuring out some of the things "I" want to do with my days/time/life
...I don't do small talk - I long for connections
...I love greasy cheeseburgers with onions :-)
...A compliment from one person last week made me feel like a queen
...I am convinced I would be an awesome wife and mom, but I'm scared I'll never get the chance
...My heart overflows with the point that sometimes it literally hurts
...I have only recently figured out how I overcompensate for failures in one area of my life with behaviors in other areas
...I have had significant conversations with three people in the past five days that I would have never guessed would have happened, yet have provided more clarity than ten years of therapy probably would have (and for the most part, were much cheaper, too!)
...I love to watch sports, and wish I could play them
...I want to go on a tropical vacation (like Barbados or Grenada) but I don't want to go alone or with my family (sorry - not that I don't love you guys)
...I love the water and can't wait for warm weather!
...This year, I WILL visit the ocean!
...there's so much more, but, this is me....

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