Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I cried today

I had the best weekend I've had in a very long time....following some pretty great weeks and some good news yesterday too. Today I cried.
When I lived in Kansas City, I cried regularly. Like almost every day, or at least 3 or 4 times a week for 5 years. When I first moved back to Texas, I told myself I was done crying. Just like that.
Well, it lasted until today. Today I cried.
I cried because someone spoke the most beautiful truth to me. She told me I needed to forgive myself.

I didn't really even know how much I had been hurting until recently. I had convinced myself otherwise and told myself I was fine. It took two very wise, wonderful friends to see right through me - guess that's what friends are for, huh? I explained away behaviors and had made up my mind. I focused my (sometimes) stubborn mind and set goals and have been working diligently with much progress. I was actually feeling very good about things. Until I realized that I was beating myself up - big time. I'm great at forgiving other people. I don't hold grudges; I've got the turn the other cheek thing down....but when it comes to me? Um...yeah...not so much.

So there you have it. I cried today - but it was beautiful, not ugly. At least to me, maybe not to the guy in the Merc stuck next to me in traffic on 190!