Friday, April 3, 2009

Taking it Day by Day

It has been brought to my attention that I have not updated my blog in a few weeks. I didn't update because I don't always want to have something negative to say. So, I'll start out on a positive note: I had an amazing time in Las Vegas with my dad! We watched basketball for four days, ate some yummy food, played cards, saw a comedy show with surprise guest George Wallace, stayed in a ridiculously nice suite, and enjoyed our time together. I even snuck in a few hours at the pool (thanks to the NCAA scheduling committee there were longer breaks between sessions this year!). Since I have been back, I have been working like crazy and trying to keep myself from going clinically insane with this weather - I mean, seriously, I'm beginning to think God left his calendar on January and doesn't realize it is already APRIL!! I know he has a lot going on an everything, but can we get some spring time weather for seven consecutive days, PLEASE!!!)

I originally wrote the following post in the middle of Feb. I'm really not sure why I didn't publish it at the time. I ended the original post with the verse Proverbs 16:9 - "The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." That is the one phrase I have held tight to in the past few months.
As an update (before you read the following, depressing post!), things are starting to look better. I feel confident that I will have a job next year; we should know something concrete in the next week or so. However, in that time of uncertainty, I started looking for other jobs as a fall back plan, but....the jobs I found really excited me and would be like promotions for me. I don't say actual promotions, because for all you corporate people, it is not moving up in my same department or division even; the moves would still be at the university, but in completely different capacities. This really excites me, but either way, I am confident the the new year will bring new challenges - and if you know me, you know I thrive on challenges!!! And in other news - I have my last meeting with the doctors this coming Wednesday, and the all the paperwork is submitted to insurance. If you think about it, please pray for me during these next couple of weeks. I can't imagine what my life will be like without this surgery, and as much as I don't like to put all my eggs in one basket, that's almost what I'm doing. That and the job times.

Original (unpublished) post:
As mentioned before and as evidenced by everyone who knows me, I'm a planner. I plan for everything and even carry a notebook with me at all times that contains plans, lists, thoughts, pre-plans, etc. I go through two to three notebooks a year, all full of plans. They can be as simple as the errands I am going to run during the weekend, or the tasks I need to complete at home, or as complex as the major-headache-of-a-data-project and journal article I'm working on at work right now.

One of the hardest things about being a Christian for me is to give my plans to God. I want so badly to have control over the plans that I make, not just the list of errands I'm going to run, but the major events in my life as well. God has made it perfectly clear to me that he does not need my help planning out my life, but for some reason, I keep doing it anyway!

I have always known exactly what I wanted to do with my life, and when I wanted to do it. If something dramatic changed, the next door was almost immediately opened for me. I think I have gotten rather spoiled to that way of life. I knew I wanted to go to college and play golf. I wasn't good enough to get a scholarship, but I was able to walk on at OSU. I know it was expensive, and wondered if we would be able to afford it, but I got some academic money that helped out. I knew I wanted to study business and breezed through my courses. I knew I wanted to work with people, and I really wanted to work in athletics, so I found a great graduate program at OU (yuck). Unfortunately, the week before the deadline (somewhere in March of my senior year) they closed the program completely. That left me without any plans of what to do after college. I really didn't want to leave all of my friends at OSU and my safety blanket in Stillwater, so I found a great graduate program there. It ended up being exactly what I wanted to do and a great mix of training for my future career. When I finished that program, I knew I wanted to move somewhere 'different' and be independent (of sorts). I found a job at KU that I really didn't think I was qualified for, but applied and got the job. It was by far the best job I could have gotten out of graduate school because it gave me experiences that I could not have gotten anywhere else. I quickly outgrew that job and knew I wanted something with a lot more responsibility.
That's when I found my current job. My supervisor at the time told me he didn't think I was qualified and not really what they were looking for, but I liked the description and applied anyway. After the first interview I was very confident that I could do this job, and I wanted it so bad. After the third interview, I was convinced it was the job for me. I have been here for almost four years now. Which brings me to the here and now......

I have no plans! It is driving me crazy! There is currently no funding for my program for next year, so my job status is completely up in the air. I can not look for a new position right now because I am waiting to have surgery and can not change insurance until June; if I wait too long to look for a position, there probably won't be any; my current university is in a hiring freeze; I just signed a new lease and love my house, and I'm not sure I want to move to Texas, although that is always an I have NO PLANS! It is driving me crazy. That, on top of my life situation, has me stressed.

I do my best to remember that God has this all planned out, even when I don't. I pray Proverbs 16:9 - "The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."

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