....that you CAN always go home again
....that you're never too old to let your parent's spoil you
....that no matter where I have lived, the South is where I belong
....that I love the person I am
....that patience really does pay off
....that God IS in control (...not Rebecca)
....that there are so many things bigger than me and my wants, needs, hurts, etc.
....that it feels good to stand up for myself and stand my ground
....that God IS in control...oh, I said that already? Well, it's true!
At the end of April, I packed up the past seven years of my life, left my house that I loved, left my best friend of eight years, the most amazing co-workers I have ever had, and some great friendships, and moved back home. Literally. Yup, I'm 30 and living with my parents. I'm gonna be honest, it was hard on me mentally at first. I left for college two days before I turned 18, and only really returned for one summer. I took pride in the fact that I was independent. I liked that I had anonymity in a city and no one checked up on where I was or asked where I was going. I liked doing a lot of things on my own. But....I missed my family. For a couple of years I had entertained the thought of moving back, but I think I liked the idea on paper more than the reality. However, there was this nagging and longing in my heart that wouldn't leave me alone. Last fall, I made the decision - I would move home with or without a job. If you know anything about me, you know that I am not good without a plan - haha - and this 'plan' wasn't really much of a plan! But, God being who He is....he came through and I have a job! It couldn't have worked out any better...and it continues to work out great.
So, the last week of April, my parents drove to KC, and then we all drove back to Texas.
Let me tell you, this has been one of the best decisions of my life. I really don't know why I resisted for so long. It has even been great living at home (and I'm not just saying this because my parents read my blog - haha!). Without having to deal with the upkeep of a household all on my own, coupled with a 45 minute one-way commute each day, I have had a lot of time to think, reflect, brainstorm, and just be still....and you know what I have learned? That God is bigger than me....that He is bigger than all of this. To anyone who knows me, there are two things that are apparent: I have a serious need to be in control, and there is nothing I want more in the world than to be a godly wife and mother. Ironically, those two don't work well together. Welcome to my world! You know what, though? God is bigger than both of them. We're (me and God) are working on me letting go of control....often through the little things. For example, I took an amazing first-ever girl's trip to Austin with my cousin/bestest friend (mom calls her's sister-cuz - that's a fitting explanation) this past weekend. Well, every road trip I have ever been on with anyone other than my dad, I have done most if not all of the driving....not this time. We took a car that I can't drive - never learned how to drive a standard! Just one of the small ways God is teaching me how to let go of some control. The other thing I am (re-)learning, I can't believe I ever let go of. Back in college and graduate school, I was blessed to sit under and learn from one of the most godly women I have ever known. I wanted to be like her in every way - as a woman, a wife, a mother, and a mentor. I quickly realized that it was the Jesus in her that I wanted to be so much like. I remember her telling me time and again that all I had to do was sit at His feet and stay in the Word and everything else would fall into place - that all I had to do was be so in love with Jesus that nothing else mattered, and he would take care of the rest. Well, Rebecca being Rebecca, I got away from that. Being in love with Jesus wasn't bringing my husband, or getting me any closer to having kids (in my mind at least), it wasn't getting me a promotion or a raise at work, it wasn't getting me any more vacation time, or any more friends, so I decided I had to do those things myself. Well, look how that worked out for me! So...back to square one - which I never should have left in the first place!
The past three months have been refreshing, renewing, and eye-opening. I'm SO glad to be back in Texas - and glad to be back at square one again.
More later...back to this pesky thing called a job - haha (I love it though...don't get me wrong!).
"He who getteth wisdom loveth his own soul; he that keepeth understanding shall find good." Proverbs 19:8