Monday, March 28, 2011

Listening, learning, letting go

I spent the past two months in a place much different that I thought I would at the beginning of the year. Between endless headaches/migraines, a handful of doctors appointments, way to many hours of working, and my favorite sports time of the year, the months of March & April flew by without any blogging. Nevertheless, the past sixty-plus days have been spent doing a lot of listening, a lot of learning, and a lot of attempts at letting go. So much to say, so many thoughts going through my mind. Simply put, I am at peace and I am happy. I say it so often it sounds cliche or insincere, but I am blessed. Beyond belief.

I think a lot about what I want to be.

I want to be a writer. Writing beautiful letters, or blogs, or journals. I'm not. My writing is messy, all over the place, and infrequent. I always have the best intentions, but don't get around to writing often.

I want to be a runner. I love the idea of running, the solitude, the beauty, the availabilty. I try to run. Not often enough. I'm not good at it. My form is not pretty, I can't go very far at a given time.

I want to be creative. To create beautiful living spaces, or inspiring works or art. To know what colors look incredible together.

I want to be a great friend. I try hard at this. I don't let a lot of people in very close, but the ones I do, I love with everything I have. I try to encourage them, support them, and reach out to them. I'm not that great at it, but I try.

I want to be a wife. Most people accuse me of being picky. Truth be told, I haven't had the opportunity to be pick or even turn anyone away. The chance to date or court hasn't come my way.

I want to be a mother. See the previous paragraph.

I may or may not ever be any of those things. If I'm not, it is okay. Those things are not what really matters.

Bottom line...I want to be a godly woman, and I want to love others. Each day I want to draw closer to Christ and seek him more and more. That's all I really want.

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