Remember how I was going to post more? Yeah...see how that's turned out so far?!?!? I started this post about three weeks ago. I'm going to do better....really, I am.
Welcome to December, the month that I cry more than any other month. It doesn't take much to make me tear up on any other day really, but December....the whole month takes the cake.
Let's start with Jesus (a naturally good place to start!). Of course I think of Jesus every other month, we're on a first name basis, and talk frequently. But in December....well, in December, lot's of other people are thinking about him too. He's everywhere. (Ok...I know he's everywhere all the other days too, but you get the point). It brings a smile to my heart and I just want to shout from the rooftops how much I love Jesus!
And another thing.....I have been overwhelmed this season with the commercial aspect of Christmas. I am not anti-Santa (yet) or anti-gift giving, but my heart has been burdened this year. I don't know if it is living back in Dallas (a very materialistic and shopping-centered city) or if it is my line of work, or God working on my heart, or all of the above and then some. Bottom line, I look one way and see greed and materialism and I look the other way and see devastating need despair. It is overwhelming and consumes my thoughts these days.
I know a lot of people who are hurting this year. Not just around Christmas but with life in general. It is painful to watch. I am blessed that the Lord's protection is on me during this time. I feel like for the first time in a long time I am right where I am supposed to be. What I am trying to figure out is why I am in this position to witness all of the pain and hurting. I feel helpless. In this season of giving and loving, I feel like my love is not enough. It isn't. I wish I could will Jesus on those who are hurting, but I can't. I can't force anyone to turn to him or to believe in him. I can not require anyone to make Him the center of their life, the passion that drives everything they do.
But I can do that for myself. And I can offer my prayers. And my shoulders. And my ears. And my checkbook. And my love.